I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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