I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
