I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
