I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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