you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
