Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
