Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
