oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
