I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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