my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize