alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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