Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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