Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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