It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I want her autograph on my taint
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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