The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
