Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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