clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
