i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
