im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
