I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
