It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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