I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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