After last night, I could never be a politician.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
