Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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