You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
