I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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