were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
