If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
