Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
