Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
