Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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