i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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