Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
