Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
