Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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