I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize