it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
