Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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