We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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