If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my phone needs a breathalizer
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
