Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
