Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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