I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
