Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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