Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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