Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize