As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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