I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
