well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
