You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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