My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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