i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
