omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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