FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
