I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
