i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
