I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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