I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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