his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
