Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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