I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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