pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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