then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
