Will you blow on my dice?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
