She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
