Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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