NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
