I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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