You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize