My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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